Ever had one of those times where you were just minding your own business and someone came along and kicked you in the stomach? Not REALLY kicked you in the stomach - you just saw something or experienced something and it was akin to the feeling you would get if someone literally saw you on the ground and took their size 10 giant boot and just hauled off and WHAM. The pain almost made you sick and made you double over and clutch your abdomen and you just felt vulnerable and sad and a very "why me" feeling?
Yeah. Me too.
I've been a pretty busy person as of late. Rushing here, rushing there...trying to pass a very difficult test that makes me feel like an idiot and really the last thing I could have wanted or needed was to feel kicked in the stomach on top of it all. But of course, we can never plan for those surprise kicks. They just come out of no where anywhere. It's just not possible to prepare for them.
So the best thing to do when they happen is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and have a very serious conversation with yourself. What exactly happened? Were your defenses down? Were you right to feel kicked or are you being too sensitive?
Was there anything I could have done to prevent this kick? Should I be out for revenge? Should I just sit and pout or should I somehow find a way to prevail?
I asked Emmy how she handles this and she said "sometimes I tell myself it's going to be okay. I calm myself down sometimes because sometimes I get really angry."
She also said "When it's a person who makes me feel that way, I wish I could just say 'darn them!'"
Sometimes you don't have the luxury of letting anyone know that you're upset at the time. Sometimes you have to hold your head high and act as though nothing has happened that has hurt you. Sometimes you have to give up a feeling of anger or frustration when something happens that you had no control over and yet you feel absolutely wounded over. Those times are when absolute honesty with yourself and true strength of character come in. Those are the times where, I believe, we are given God's grace to shine and shimmer instead of lay lifeless and sullen. This is where the average girl trying to make the most of her life becomes a rock star.
How many of you are emotional rock stars? It's not something that they give awards out for, unfortunately. Emotional Rock Stars are never fully appreciated for their strength, but having the ability to morph into one when it matters the most cannot be over-appreciated.
So the next time you feel kicked and badly beaten - especially over something you didn't even see coming - just know that there are a lot of us out there who know exactly how you feel. We should have some sort of underground E.R.S. network of women who become little girls again inside when something painful happens, yet blossom into a powerful and strong woman in order to never give the kicker the right to know that for just an instant - when they were caught off-guard - they were not an emotional rock star.
Grace in being an Emotional Rock Star is absolutely what the best women on earth can try to be. I know I try every day - and especially every time I see that boot closing in.
If a rock star can be called a golden god, I think I can feel pretty content with being known as a "golden goddess"!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Grace From My Father
So about a week ago (before Emmy and I got the worst stomach flu on earth), my father taught me a lesson about Grace.
I was doing some computations - I was trying to figure out how I could possibly save some more money with what seemed to be an endless stack of bills. I spoke with my father - very hesitant to call and ask for "daddy's help" because I am 37 years old. We discussed my auto loan and I told him I was paying far more interest on my wonderful car than I could be if he was willing to take a little time to help me refinance it. I told him that I would understand completely if he didn't feel comfortable being a part of a refinance with me. He asked some important questions and I think that they were completely valid. He wanted to make sure that this was the right thing for both of us.
With Dad's help, I was able to bring down my interest on the car from about 19% to 3.98% which saved me more than $170 per month. Dad didn't owe this to me. There was nothing he was required to do - especially when you consider the fact that this was not the first time that he has offered to help in my life. But he had grace and he gave it willingly to me...again.
Parents who love their children unconditionally and want what's best for them will never dismiss an opportunity to show them grace. I was so thankful - I emailed my father immediately after we ended our phone call with the new finance company. I said "I don't even have words to tell you how grateful I am Dad..." and he responded "you don't have to - your voice said it all when you heard your new interest rate".
Undeserved grace is the most wonderful feeling.
My dad always expressed his sadness that this song wasn't played at my wedding. I know I am almost 13 years late, Daddy...but you know what? Better late than never. In my mind, I am holding your hand in mine now...and you're smiling at me - you almost always have a smile on your face.
Thank you for still being an example of a wonderful person and a fabulous father - one who can still give grace to me so willingly, after all these years. I love you very much.
I was doing some computations - I was trying to figure out how I could possibly save some more money with what seemed to be an endless stack of bills. I spoke with my father - very hesitant to call and ask for "daddy's help" because I am 37 years old. We discussed my auto loan and I told him I was paying far more interest on my wonderful car than I could be if he was willing to take a little time to help me refinance it. I told him that I would understand completely if he didn't feel comfortable being a part of a refinance with me. He asked some important questions and I think that they were completely valid. He wanted to make sure that this was the right thing for both of us.
With Dad's help, I was able to bring down my interest on the car from about 19% to 3.98% which saved me more than $170 per month. Dad didn't owe this to me. There was nothing he was required to do - especially when you consider the fact that this was not the first time that he has offered to help in my life. But he had grace and he gave it willingly to me...again.
Parents who love their children unconditionally and want what's best for them will never dismiss an opportunity to show them grace. I was so thankful - I emailed my father immediately after we ended our phone call with the new finance company. I said "I don't even have words to tell you how grateful I am Dad..." and he responded "you don't have to - your voice said it all when you heard your new interest rate".
Undeserved grace is the most wonderful feeling.
My dad always expressed his sadness that this song wasn't played at my wedding. I know I am almost 13 years late, Daddy...but you know what? Better late than never. In my mind, I am holding your hand in mine now...and you're smiling at me - you almost always have a smile on your face.
Thank you for still being an example of a wonderful person and a fabulous father - one who can still give grace to me so willingly, after all these years. I love you very much.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The Gambler can teach a lot about grace...
...I know, you're probably certain I am completely certifiable at this point. But really - I think the gambler can.
A few days ago, my boss and I were flipping youtube links at each other. I think somehow in the process, one of us caught Kenny Rogers in the middle. I don't know that either of us intended to bring him into our session, but somehow he appeared. I was reaquainted with the song "The Gambler" sung by Kenny Rogers and I started thinking about the words.
"You got to know when to hold 'em"
You have to know when to keep a hold of things in your life. Things that may be difficult for you to think about giving up. Things that mean a lot to you. Sometimes in life, those things most familiar and comforting to us become more of a liability than a blessing. THAT'S when..
"You got to know when to fold 'em"
As hard as it might be to think about, it might be time to cut your losses and just toss them away, they just aren't working for you right now. They might be great later - you can always get a chance again to bring them back into the game - but for now, fold 'em.
"You gotta know when to walk away, and know when to run"
There are times you wave and take your time saying goodbye to friends, places and things in your life and then there are times you're best served to put your reeboks on and RUN AWAY as fast as you can - not look behind you - just look in front of you - at the wide and incredible world ahead.
Whenever there's a big question involving a big change in your life, I think you can size up the situation by thinking like THE GAMBLER. Know when to keep things, know when to give them up. Know when to walk away slowly, know when to leave them behind as fast as you can.
Here's hoping we all remember how important TIMING is to a situation in our lives. Timing really IS everything. Especially when GRACE is concerned. If you know when to exit a situation gracefully, WOW, you've won half the battle! Now you just need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and decide if you should wear your sandles or your sneakers. :)
A few days ago, my boss and I were flipping youtube links at each other. I think somehow in the process, one of us caught Kenny Rogers in the middle. I don't know that either of us intended to bring him into our session, but somehow he appeared. I was reaquainted with the song "The Gambler" sung by Kenny Rogers and I started thinking about the words.
"You got to know when to hold 'em"
You have to know when to keep a hold of things in your life. Things that may be difficult for you to think about giving up. Things that mean a lot to you. Sometimes in life, those things most familiar and comforting to us become more of a liability than a blessing. THAT'S when..
"You got to know when to fold 'em"
As hard as it might be to think about, it might be time to cut your losses and just toss them away, they just aren't working for you right now. They might be great later - you can always get a chance again to bring them back into the game - but for now, fold 'em.
"You gotta know when to walk away, and know when to run"
There are times you wave and take your time saying goodbye to friends, places and things in your life and then there are times you're best served to put your reeboks on and RUN AWAY as fast as you can - not look behind you - just look in front of you - at the wide and incredible world ahead.
Whenever there's a big question involving a big change in your life, I think you can size up the situation by thinking like THE GAMBLER. Know when to keep things, know when to give them up. Know when to walk away slowly, know when to leave them behind as fast as you can.
Here's hoping we all remember how important TIMING is to a situation in our lives. Timing really IS everything. Especially when GRACE is concerned. If you know when to exit a situation gracefully, WOW, you've won half the battle! Now you just need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and decide if you should wear your sandles or your sneakers. :)
Monday, April 12, 2010
A Video Blog (VLOG) for today!
Okay, I got the technical issues ironed out - here's my first attempt at a VLOG.
Isn't it just the BEST picture of me? LOL - It saved that lame-open-mouthed shot. No "nice smile and wide eyed" screen shot for THIS girl. :)
I hope you like it.
Isn't it just the BEST picture of me? LOL - It saved that lame-open-mouthed shot. No "nice smile and wide eyed" screen shot for THIS girl. :)
I hope you like it.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Grace in the face of sorrow
I tried to save time by making this entry a VIDEO blog today - but something screwy happened with my microphone and all you can see is me in my robe talking away and you can't hear anything more than a word or two. *SIGH* I did it like that to save time. Yeah, let's see - it took an HOUR to figure out what the heck I was doing wrong. I think I might have figured out a solution - but that was at 8:20 am and my butt needed to be out the door at 8:30 am - so, it was NOT much of a time-saver. Especially since now I have nothing for the blog! LOL.
People who know me really well know that I am a big fan of Khalil Gibran. He wrote the book "The Prophet" which happens to be one of my most treasured possessions. Not only because of what it contains (the writings are so touching and so meaningful) but because it used to belong to my grandmother, Louise Kalwat Hyde. She was an incredible influence on my life. I have kept The Prophet close to me for years - and some of my recent emails with friends got me to thinking about one of the entries in The Prophet that talks about Joy and Sorrow.
Joy and Sorrow
Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
I hope you all find this as comforting as I do. The deeper the sorrow, the more space that JOY has to fill up when it comes back to you. Gosh, that's such a hopeful thought, isn't it?
Today, I think I will focus on having the grace to remember that even when the sorrow is there, the joy is waiting right behind to come back and fill the void that sorrow creates.
Besides, sorrow can be a great opportunity to learn how to be a stronger, more capable person.
People who know me really well know that I am a big fan of Khalil Gibran. He wrote the book "The Prophet" which happens to be one of my most treasured possessions. Not only because of what it contains (the writings are so touching and so meaningful) but because it used to belong to my grandmother, Louise Kalwat Hyde. She was an incredible influence on my life. I have kept The Prophet close to me for years - and some of my recent emails with friends got me to thinking about one of the entries in The Prophet that talks about Joy and Sorrow.
Joy and Sorrow
Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
I hope you all find this as comforting as I do. The deeper the sorrow, the more space that JOY has to fill up when it comes back to you. Gosh, that's such a hopeful thought, isn't it?
Today, I think I will focus on having the grace to remember that even when the sorrow is there, the joy is waiting right behind to come back and fill the void that sorrow creates.
Besides, sorrow can be a great opportunity to learn how to be a stronger, more capable person.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Grace in the face of hurt
When someone hurts me, I go through so many emotions. Why? What was their reason for hurting me? Did I hurt them first? Did I do something do deserve it? Did I forget something important? Ignore a need? Did I somehow humiliate or frustrate them until they felt they had no recourse but to lash out and retaliate in the form of hurt?
I guess you just have to know me to know how much I thoroughly despise hurting people. I go to great extents to avoid hurting anyone in the first place. When I find out I have hurt someone, I have a very hard time living with myself. I feel very guilty and extremely sad. I mean, I am usually the one working overtime trying to make every day a great experience for everyone in my life. Really.
So why do other people feel that they have the right to hurt me? And how can I react to it in a graceful way?
I know how to react in a graceful way when it's my fault. I apologize first. I tell someone how sorry I am for hurting them and I give specifics. I look them in the eyes and I try and put myself in their shoes - detailing how I hurt them. For example: "I am so sorry that I cast aside your needs for my own and left you hurting and wishing someone would pay attention to you." I feel like by doing that, I am gracefully and tenderly apologizing for my wrongdoing, the hurt I caused (inadvertently or on purpose) and letting them give additional input about their hurt - maybe something I didn't know. Then I follow it up with a "I hope you will forgive me...I will try hard not to let it happen again." I can't think of a more graceful way to apologize than a genuine apology. I always mean it when I apologize.
But it's that actions of those people who feel as though they have to hurt others to feel better about themselves that I have a hard time wrapping my brain around. I can't understand their logic. I always feel BETTER when I make someone feel good about themselves. I always feel like the world is brighter and happier and my heart soars when I know I have made someones day. I can't understand the logic behind people who hurt others intentionally and then walk away. Does that make me strange? Does that make me odd? Does that make me completely naive? Maybe. But you know, I would rather be naive and be the one handling a hurt the right way than someone who is so dead inside that they can't find it within themselves to apologize to others for their behavior. What kind of person feels better when they make someone else hurt?
I think the best way to handle hurt with grace would be forgiveness. Finding it inside yourself to accept that the reasons that they may have had for their behavior may never be anything you understand fully. Finding a place inside yourself to reconcile someone else's harmful behavior and turn it into a lesson in understanding and forgiveness. You can find comfort in the fact that you will never be "that person". You can even say to yourself "I'll see you when you get there" - when the person who hurts you reaches the level you are living on, you can meet them again but on equal terms. Until then, the only thing you can do is wait for them to get there and be satisfied in knowing that you are better for not stooping to their level.
This song has been one of my favorites for a long time...I hope you find it to bless you as much as it has blessed me. One of my favorite quotes from the song is:
"so gather up your pity and turn it to ambition and put your vehicle in drive and stop by my side"
Wishing everyone a day filled with grace...
I guess you just have to know me to know how much I thoroughly despise hurting people. I go to great extents to avoid hurting anyone in the first place. When I find out I have hurt someone, I have a very hard time living with myself. I feel very guilty and extremely sad. I mean, I am usually the one working overtime trying to make every day a great experience for everyone in my life. Really.
So why do other people feel that they have the right to hurt me? And how can I react to it in a graceful way?
I know how to react in a graceful way when it's my fault. I apologize first. I tell someone how sorry I am for hurting them and I give specifics. I look them in the eyes and I try and put myself in their shoes - detailing how I hurt them. For example: "I am so sorry that I cast aside your needs for my own and left you hurting and wishing someone would pay attention to you." I feel like by doing that, I am gracefully and tenderly apologizing for my wrongdoing, the hurt I caused (inadvertently or on purpose) and letting them give additional input about their hurt - maybe something I didn't know. Then I follow it up with a "I hope you will forgive me...I will try hard not to let it happen again." I can't think of a more graceful way to apologize than a genuine apology. I always mean it when I apologize.
But it's that actions of those people who feel as though they have to hurt others to feel better about themselves that I have a hard time wrapping my brain around. I can't understand their logic. I always feel BETTER when I make someone feel good about themselves. I always feel like the world is brighter and happier and my heart soars when I know I have made someones day. I can't understand the logic behind people who hurt others intentionally and then walk away. Does that make me strange? Does that make me odd? Does that make me completely naive? Maybe. But you know, I would rather be naive and be the one handling a hurt the right way than someone who is so dead inside that they can't find it within themselves to apologize to others for their behavior. What kind of person feels better when they make someone else hurt?
I think the best way to handle hurt with grace would be forgiveness. Finding it inside yourself to accept that the reasons that they may have had for their behavior may never be anything you understand fully. Finding a place inside yourself to reconcile someone else's harmful behavior and turn it into a lesson in understanding and forgiveness. You can find comfort in the fact that you will never be "that person". You can even say to yourself "I'll see you when you get there" - when the person who hurts you reaches the level you are living on, you can meet them again but on equal terms. Until then, the only thing you can do is wait for them to get there and be satisfied in knowing that you are better for not stooping to their level.
This song has been one of my favorites for a long time...I hope you find it to bless you as much as it has blessed me. One of my favorite quotes from the song is:
"so gather up your pity and turn it to ambition and put your vehicle in drive and stop by my side"
Wishing everyone a day filled with grace...
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
I seem to find GRACE in the smallest things...
This morning I was glancing at my small little pyrex bowl of honey-nut cheerios with sliced fresh strawberries and I thought "even my cereal looks graceful today" - and it's a good thing too! Some days I feel like a drunk hippopotamus! Today would be one of those days - so if my cereal is more graceful than I am, I am seriously considering sending IT to work in dressy clothing and allowing IT to work 9 hours for me (I have been working through lunch a few times a week studying for my insurance license) and let IT listen to people complaining about their insurance rates increasing and me working for hours on solutions to save them money ONLY to have them decide to go with another insurance company OR tell me that the don't like the new coverages and could they PLEEEEASE just go back to the other coverages and not pay more.
Today I would like to share a couple of pillows that I find EXTREMELY graceful. :)
I am a big fan of Pottery Barn furniture and I don't own anything from their because they are kind of out of my price range. Although, I am not sure that's completely a true statement because I remember when Emmy (my daughter) and I went into a Pottery Barn Kids store when she was about 6 months old and I showed her a little stuffed duckie in there that rattled and her little tiny fists reached for it and she snatched it from my hands and prompty stuffed it into her mouth. Of course I had to PAY for it. So I do INDEED own ONE thing from Pottery Barn. A $12 stuffed drooly duckie. But not having enough money to buy myself something there doesn't stop me from drooling over their catalogs - hmmm, I am beginning to see a drooling trend. Like mother like daughter, I guess!
These are my latest graceful fascination:
AAaaaahhhh, I think I will sign off with these images last in my mind today. Maybe they will help me smile wider, work harder and look forward to this evening when I can relax and (hopefully) find time to write a little more. :)
Today I would like to share a couple of pillows that I find EXTREMELY graceful. :)
I am a big fan of Pottery Barn furniture and I don't own anything from their because they are kind of out of my price range. Although, I am not sure that's completely a true statement because I remember when Emmy (my daughter) and I went into a Pottery Barn Kids store when she was about 6 months old and I showed her a little stuffed duckie in there that rattled and her little tiny fists reached for it and she snatched it from my hands and prompty stuffed it into her mouth. Of course I had to PAY for it. So I do INDEED own ONE thing from Pottery Barn. A $12 stuffed drooly duckie. But not having enough money to buy myself something there doesn't stop me from drooling over their catalogs - hmmm, I am beginning to see a drooling trend. Like mother like daughter, I guess!
These are my latest graceful fascination:
AAaaaahhhh, I think I will sign off with these images last in my mind today. Maybe they will help me smile wider, work harder and look forward to this evening when I can relax and (hopefully) find time to write a little more. :)
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