When someone hurts me, I go through so many emotions. Why? What was their reason for hurting me? Did I hurt them first? Did I do something do deserve it? Did I forget something important? Ignore a need? Did I somehow humiliate or frustrate them until they felt they had no recourse but to lash out and retaliate in the form of hurt?
I guess you just have to know me to know how much I thoroughly despise hurting people. I go to great extents to avoid hurting anyone in the first place. When I find out I have hurt someone, I have a very hard time living with myself. I feel very guilty and extremely sad. I mean, I am usually the one working overtime trying to make every day a great experience for everyone in my life. Really.
So why do other people feel that they have the right to hurt me? And how can I react to it in a graceful way?
I know how to react in a graceful way when it's my fault. I apologize first. I tell someone how sorry I am for hurting them and I give specifics. I look them in the eyes and I try and put myself in their shoes - detailing how I hurt them. For example: "I am so sorry that I cast aside your needs for my own and left you hurting and wishing someone would pay attention to you." I feel like by doing that, I am gracefully and tenderly apologizing for my wrongdoing, the hurt I caused (inadvertently or on purpose) and letting them give additional input about their hurt - maybe something I didn't know. Then I follow it up with a "I hope you will forgive me...I will try hard not to let it happen again." I can't think of a more graceful way to apologize than a genuine apology. I always mean it when I apologize.
But it's that actions of those people who feel as though they have to hurt others to feel better about themselves that I have a hard time wrapping my brain around. I can't understand their logic. I always feel BETTER when I make someone feel good about themselves. I always feel like the world is brighter and happier and my heart soars when I know I have made someones day. I can't understand the logic behind people who hurt others intentionally and then walk away. Does that make me strange? Does that make me odd? Does that make me completely naive? Maybe. But you know, I would rather be naive and be the one handling a hurt the right way than someone who is so dead inside that they can't find it within themselves to apologize to others for their behavior. What kind of person feels better when they make someone else hurt?
I think the best way to handle hurt with grace would be forgiveness. Finding it inside yourself to accept that the reasons that they may have had for their behavior may never be anything you understand fully. Finding a place inside yourself to reconcile someone else's harmful behavior and turn it into a lesson in understanding and forgiveness. You can find comfort in the fact that you will never be "that person". You can even say to yourself "I'll see you when you get there" - when the person who hurts you reaches the level you are living on, you can meet them again but on equal terms. Until then, the only thing you can do is wait for them to get there and be satisfied in knowing that you are better for not stooping to their level.
This song has been one of my favorites for a long time...I hope you find it to bless you as much as it has blessed me. One of my favorite quotes from the song is:
"so gather up your pity and turn it to ambition and put your vehicle in drive and stop by my side"
Wishing everyone a day filled with grace...
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